holy crap we are half-way there.

Yesterday marked 20 weeks. Half way! Holy Crap!

I am feeling her kick on and off. Sometimes its strong, sometimes its just flutters. Sometimes I don't feel anything for a day or more (at least not anything very strong). The kicks are strong enough that I can see them pushing out of my stomach. She is usually kicking way down low in my belly just above my pelvis.

Sometimes at night or in the morning my hips hurt. I am pretty much always ravenously hungry, unless I eat too much and then I feel awful. I am not really having cravings. Usually, I don't know what I want. My skin and hair are lovely, thank you. My boobs are almost too big for my tiny boobed bra (oh yeah). I can see the inside of my belly button which I have never seen before.

Tyler and I are trying to get things done at the house (the kitchen, the floors, the yard blah blah blah). We are also trying to find Tyler a better job in Accounting and me something that won't hurt my career when I take a leave in August, even if its just freelance. Everything has been really slow on those fronts. One day at a time.

Ok here is the pics!

captain me.

My parents and I went to the St. Patrick's Day festivities in downtown Dunedin. They enjoyed Guinness and greasy food but all I got was this picture:





















On Saturday we got our first real summer-ish day and the traffic and tourists on Honeymoon Island and Dunedin Causeway proved it. The interest was sparked in me to learn how to sail when my mom, dad, Ty and I visited my Aunt Carla and Uncle Steve and their gorgeous sailboat last summer. On that trip, we didn't actually go sailing because of a mechanical issue and it was stormy but I did enjoy watching a whole fleet of children on their one-man sailboats.

So this weekend, my daddy (and truly amazing teacher) taught me the basics of how to sail. As you can see, my mom thankfully supplied me with a over-sized wetsuit (it wasn't all that warm outside and I got wet!) that my belly squeezed into. Here are some nice pics and some out of focus pics taken by Tyler since him and my mom were beach bums.

























































































The real amazing story here isn't that I actually DID sail and did really good but that we spotted a small pod of dolphins and chased them for about an hour! I had just got into the captains seat and was pretty nervous. My dad was telling me what to do and I follow orders well. We started chasing the dolphins and it was a great way to learn because I was so in awe of being so close (sometimes less than 5 feet!) to the dolphins that I didn't over-think sailing.

At one point, my dad said, "Ok, now I am going to let you do it on your own." Woah, I was nervous about that because there was an island really close as well as a few kayak's. I told him I was didn't want to run into anything. He said, "I won't let you hit anything." Aw. My dad has always been a wonderful teacher. Since I am going to have a daughter it made me realize how important it is to make sure your kid knows that they can trust you and you are looking out for them no matter what.

There was a baby dolphin and it looked like mom was teaching it how to hunt. Neither of us had EVER been that close to dolphins (yes one of the perks of living here is we get to see dolphins quite a bit). When it was time to head back we realized that maybe we weren't following them, maybe they were following us because they kept popping up right next to the boat to say hi and get a closer look at us.

I guess we share the same curiosity in boats that don't make noise.

To make the day even more magical, after we got back and were unloading everything the baby started dancing up a storm. I didn't even get out of the car because I didn't want to miss it! She was kicking so much that I was watching my stomach push out for the first time. My mom ran over and put her hand on my belly and sure enough- she kicked her hard! This little one is definitely not shy! She has kicked her daddies hand several times and now her Gram's. Gramps is next!

my dog jackie.

Nobody lifts me up quite like my dog Jackie. Felt rather "stuck" on the couch today after sleeping ALL day yesterday. Jackie made a nice pillow.
















As I have many times before, I didn't feel like doing much at all but I wanted to something for her so... bath time! Now we are going outside to play and get all dirty again.

quotable.

What you have gathered may be yours, but it will never be you.
-Sadhguru Jaggi Vasudev

not yourself.

Those kinds of situations where you find yourself wide awake and weighing pros and cons and wondering how you are gonna make it without losing yourself,

The kinds where nothing could bring immediate solace, really nothing, but you keep imagining what could,

Where you wallow in your clueless-ness and write in a blog on your cell phone key pad using vague words with melancholic undertones just to try and escape thinking up different possible outcomes for this evening, this week, this nine months... without really much luck at all,

Where you try desperately to balance on the high-wire of being "the bigger, patient, compassionate person" who "doesn't lose a moment of joy to a moment of anger" and not putting up with what you know simply isn't ok after countless other simply isn't ok's,

Where you don't know what to do and it seems nothing you do-do is right, or good enough that used to be acceptable back before every little decision you made from what food you put in your mouth, to what thought you think, to who you chose to spend any time with at all, to whether you stay, or go... wasn't completely and utterly being made for the safety and well-being and the entire future of SOMEONE ELSE and not... yourself,

Yourself. Not Yourself.

Those kind of situations where you lay awake and feel a miracle going on inside of you and you would share it with the two dogs who are taking up most of the room on the couch but who are so sleepy they aren't even jumping anymore at every sound outside. And there are many, with the wind and all. And... they are dogs.

Those kinds that make you wish others maybe cared a little less about themselves and lived a little more for something else, someone else, someone who needs you. Someone who's life depends on every little move you make,

Those situations are... frighteningly frequent.

But the wind still blows. The dogs still sleep. The miracle still grows.

And grows, and grows, and grows...

19 weeks!

bigger and bigger! feeling little flutters and bigger kicks more often.

It's St. Patricks Day today! Yae! I love this day! Even this year when I can't slam Irish Car Bombs and sip on Guinness. Celebration!

firsts.

9:20 pm

I am talking to franny via gmail and reading about vaccines from links she sent me.
I start to feel light little flutter in my belly and yell for tyler.

He puts his hand on my belly and waits patiently then after a few minutes feels his first kick! He said it was really strong and seemed to scrape against his hand. He felt a few more after that too.

I don't ever want to forget this.