not yourself.

Those kinds of situations where you find yourself wide awake and weighing pros and cons and wondering how you are gonna make it without losing yourself,

The kinds where nothing could bring immediate solace, really nothing, but you keep imagining what could,

Where you wallow in your clueless-ness and write in a blog on your cell phone key pad using vague words with melancholic undertones just to try and escape thinking up different possible outcomes for this evening, this week, this nine months... without really much luck at all,

Where you try desperately to balance on the high-wire of being "the bigger, patient, compassionate person" who "doesn't lose a moment of joy to a moment of anger" and not putting up with what you know simply isn't ok after countless other simply isn't ok's,

Where you don't know what to do and it seems nothing you do-do is right, or good enough that used to be acceptable back before every little decision you made from what food you put in your mouth, to what thought you think, to who you chose to spend any time with at all, to whether you stay, or go... wasn't completely and utterly being made for the safety and well-being and the entire future of SOMEONE ELSE and not... yourself,

Yourself. Not Yourself.

Those kind of situations where you lay awake and feel a miracle going on inside of you and you would share it with the two dogs who are taking up most of the room on the couch but who are so sleepy they aren't even jumping anymore at every sound outside. And there are many, with the wind and all. And... they are dogs.

Those kinds that make you wish others maybe cared a little less about themselves and lived a little more for something else, someone else, someone who needs you. Someone who's life depends on every little move you make,

Those situations are... frighteningly frequent.

But the wind still blows. The dogs still sleep. The miracle still grows.

And grows, and grows, and grows...